That Moment v.1

Posted on | February 25, 2012 | 3 Comments

That moment when your neighbor that you don’t know rings your doorbell to tell you that your fence has blown over and your dogs are in his yard and you invite him in because it’s dark and just then you see your two year old running around in the background with a Bud Light can screaming “Daddy here’s your beer” because you were just in the kitchen and thought it would be funny to have her bring him a beer.

The Happiness Project Chapter One

Posted on | February 24, 2012 | 1 Comment

Chapter One is titled Boost Energy (Vitality)

The points are:

• Go to sleep earlier.
• Exercise better.
• Toss, restore, organize.
• Tackle a nagging task.
• Act more energetic.

For me one of the most interesting take-aways from this chapter is that if you take care of yourself, de-clutter your life and generally make a point to be in a better state of mind…. you will be happier.

Imagine that… if you set yourself up to be in a happy environment (a clean room, a gym working out, running around the house with your kids) you will naturally be happier. It’s so easy. Yet I fail to do this almost every day.

By nature I’m a clean person so I don’t necessarily identify with that but I do REALLY identify the need for “gold stars” and to be constantly given credit for what I’m doing.  That insatiable need for credit has caused me to place a lot of my happiness in the hands of others. Like thinking I’m not happy today because my husband didn’t notice that I vacuumed and mopped all of the floors. Or I’m not happy because my daughters are making EVERY. SINGLE. THING. a battle.

At the end of the day my happiness can not be left in their hands. I can’t expect my husband or my children to be my happiness. They are a SOURCE of my happiness. The biggest source of happiness and joy in my life. But it’s too much pressure on Clint and two tiny little people that have no control over their emotions from minute to minute to BE my happiness.

This chapter really had me reflect on doing things for myself and how it will make me a better, wife, mother & friend.

Now on to the discussion questions. My answers are in bold italics.

I whole heartedly disagree with this. Honestly if I’m truly questioning whether something or not will be happy (for me) 9 times out of 10 that means it probably won’t make me happy. That’s not to say I’m this 100% confident person who knows everything that will make me happy but I am pretty confident in my understanding of myself & the “types” of things that will make me happy.

Her name is Madison & She’s been paci free for 3 months

Posted on | February 23, 2012 | 3 Comments

Back in December we attempted what I thought would be the impossible: we ditched the paci.

I was absolutely terrified. I had tried to do it once with horrendous results. Sometime around 19-20 months old we thought she was ready and we took her paci away for one nap. The screams, the sobs, the THROWING HER PINKY AT ME. It was nightmare-ish & I caved immediately.

She wasn’t ready… and there was not enough wine for me to get through her fits.

I rationalized my feeble attempt at kicking her habit with the notion that she wasn’t ready. And now looking back on how EASY it really was I actually think I was right… she wasn’t.

So about a week before the big night we started setting her up at bedtime with the typical one liners. “You’re a big girl now.” “Big girls don’t need pacis.” “Babies like Hannah use pacis.” “We’re going to send all the pacis to the babies that need them.”

She’d just look at us, nod her head & shove her paci in her mouth to go to sleep. Clearly we were making major breakthroughs.

I’d hear from one of my friends that their friend threw the kid a “paci party.” They let the kid pick out a special cupcake, had them pack away the pacis to send to the babies & celebrated them being a big kid. I had my doubts but Madison has never met a cupcake she didn’t love so I figured it was worth a shot.

The big day came and it just so happened to coincide with the day we were taking the girls to see Santa Claus. We wanted to make sure it was an exciting day where Maddie was really happy. On the way home from seeing Santa we stopped and got her a Christmas cupcake with green frosting & we were good to go.

We got home, I did a paci recon on the bedroom to make  sure they were no rogue ones stashed away between the bed and the wall and then we packed them up together to send to the babies. We gave her a cupcake complete with a candle to blow out (yeah, I don’t even know… but it worked) & let her dig in.

All the while we kept explaining that she was a big girl now and big girls get special cupcakes when they say goodbye to their pacis. We put her to bed that night and MUCH to our surprise there was no tears.

She does have a lovey… a pink blanket with an elephant head attached to it that she loves so I think that helped, but other than she rocked it. I honestly think the key this time was she was ready and old enough to understand that it was something she no longer needed.

We did have two nights of slight regression about a week in. She cried for a few minutes and asked for her paci but those were over quick and she’s been fine ever since. I was worried at first that she’d wake up during the night wanting it but that’s never happened. We really lucked out with Maddie- she loves her sleep.

Our biggest fear was the fact that Hannah had (and still has) a paci and that might cause some regression, but that hasn’t happened either. She’s never taken Hannah’s paci, never put it in her mouth and never asked for it.

In the end I honestly don’t think it matters HOW you do it but more importantly knowing that they are ready. For us it was noticing that she wasn’t asking for it anymore at bed time or naps. We were just handing it to her. There were even instances when we were somewhere else and she went to sleep without it so we knew that she could do it.

Finding my happiness

Posted on | February 23, 2012 | 1 Comment

After I posted this blog post I received an email from one of my dearest friends (who just so happens to be living in Germany but is IN THE STATES & I GET TO SEE HER SATURDAY) suggesting that we start an online book club with some of our girlfriends from college.

I’ve been wanting to read more and I thought this would be a great way to keep my mind active when I’m having trouble juxtaposing hours of Dora & Bubble Guppies with my need for intellectual stimulation.  Another one of my girlfriends from college who happens to have a really awesome & inspiring blog had posted about The Happiness Project so we decided to make this our first selection.

I am three chapters in and this book is changing my life. The irony is I don’t think there is anything in it so far that is groundbreaking or that I didn’t  already intrinsically know but it’s making me take a good look at myself. I’m cognizant of my actions and how they affect other people. I’m thinking before I’m speaking and I’m learning how to “fake it til I make it.”

This book is making me take a hard look at myself and how I live my life. I am already seeing changes in my relationship with my husband and my children because I’m making active decisions to live happier.

I’ve decided to share the questions we are discussing from each Chapter. I will obviously not be sharing the answers from my girlfriends but I WILL be sharing my answers. The format we have chosen is a group email exchange and I will be sharing with you exactly what I’ve written to them…. raw & unedited.

If you are reading this book I’d love it if you would share your thoughts in the comments, answer the same questions on your blog or email me personally if you want to discuss in private.

If you aren’t reading this book I hope you’ll consider picking it up, I don’t think you’ll regret it. I bought the Kindle version for $9.99 on Amazon and I can read it on our iPad or my iPhone. It’s a very quick and easy read.

I’ll leave you with the questions for Chapters One and Two. Tomorrow I’ll be sharing with you my answers to Chapter One.

Chapter 1

1.  On page 23 (of my version of this book), the author says that the best way to judge whether something will make you happy is to find a person who is doing the thing you are thinking about.  If it makes them happy, you can assume that you will feel the same way.  (She talks about this in context of working out with a trainer–she didn’t think she would like it, but since her friend was working out with a trainer and enjoyed it, she rationalized that she would as well.)  Do you agree with this?

2.  The author talks about wearing a pedometer and her “insatiable need for credit”.  Do you identify with that?

3.  Do you find, as the author does, that clutter is draining on your energy?  What strategies do you use to keep your life organized?

4.  The author says that tackling an easy task (an automatic success) is a surefire way to lift your mood.  Do you agree with that statement?

5.  Is acting more energetic, even though you don’t feel it, disingenuous or fake?  Or is it a good way to improve your energy level and mood?

Chapter 2

1.  What did you think about Gretchen’s February resolutions?  Which one is the hardest for you to think about working on?

2.  The Happiness Project is packed with quotations. Which quotation from Chapter 2 resonated most with you?

3.  Are there any points Gretchen makes in this chapter that you disagree with?

Disclaimer: These questions have been taken from various blogs and Oprah’s site.

Why we’re done having children

Posted on | February 20, 2012 | 4 Comments

I never understood how people could say they knew they never wanted to have children…. until now.

And it’s not for the reason you may think although at 3 a.m. some nights I DO understand why people never want to have kids. But in all seriousness, I always wondered how people could “know” their life was complete without children. They would tell me they just feel like they have what they want and children aren’t in that plan.

“Absurd,”  I thought. Children are magical. How could you want to spend your life without these magical little creatures that steal all of your time, money & sleep????

I couldn’t understand because I knew I wanted children…. THREE children to be exact…. and I didn’t understand that concept of “complete.”

And then I had Madison and life was great & yet all I could think about was another child. I knew our life was not complete with just one child. She filled our hearts with so much love and happiness. Being her mom gave me a purpose beyond what I ever could have imagined in life. Yet still I felt like our family was not complete. I dreamed about another baby night after night.

And then I got pregnant…. and I got scared.

I mean TWO of them, 20 months apart…. it’s a tad frightening right?

I kept convincing myself that the THOUGHT of 2 under 2 was way scarier than the reality but the truth of the matter was two was hard. REALLY hard. Hannah started off as this amazing little baby that fit perfectly into the “empty space” in our family.

And then one day she FLIPPED. She became the most dramatic, high needs, emotional & LOUD ball of chub in the world. Couple that with the fact that she laughs in the face of sleeping through the night and suddenly I wondered how I could ever want another.

Not wanting to make a rash decision while in the throws of a high-needs infant we decided that I would go on the Mirena and we would take time to make any permanent family planning decisions.

Which brings us to some very serious conversations. I have dug down deep in my heart and as much as I always thought I would have three children, I feel complete with two. I don’t yearn for another child. I don’t dream about having another baby. In fact, the thought of putting myself through the rollercoaster of sleep deprivation, zoloft & breastfeeding around the clock again makes me weak in the knees.

We have made the decision that our biological family is complete and we are at peace with that decision. I finally understand what it’s like to feel like your life is complete with who you have in it. I finally understand why people are comfortable with their decision to have no kids because I’m 100% comfortable with announcing to all of you that I will not be pregnant again.

Yet on the same time we’re realists. We love family & and love God & if at some point in our lives we are drawn to adoption, I’m 100% open to it. I think it would be an amazing thing to be in a place some day to bring a child into our lives that needs us on a level that I can’t even understand right now but that’s a bridge we’ll cross years from now.

So for now this family of four will continue grooving to Moves Like Jagger every night after dinner. I’ll kiss my babies like I do every night and late at night when we’re struggling to keep our eyes open to catch up on our DVR, I’ll look at Clint and say I’m so thankful for the family he has given me and I can’t wait to watch our two girls grow up together and (hopefully) be the best of friends.

For us, the peace of “being done” is a wonderful burden lifted off our shoulders and I’m so very excited for the future of our family of four.