Struggling

Posted on | February 3, 2012 | 3 Comments

I’m in a weird state of limbo these days. I feel like I’m on the brink of amazing things happening in my life & Lord knows I’m due.

I feel like this could be my year. I’m turning 30, my second and last baby is turning 1 and I’m really loving the age two (aside from the manic tyrant that Madison turns into several times per day).

My relationship with Clint is stronger than ever and we are really committed to being there for each other and realizing more than ever that we are on the same team.

But still sometimes I reach the end of the day and I wonder what I’m doing. I try to find myself in the day’s actions and all I can think of is the meals I made, the laundry I folded and the towers I built. I fully realize that being a mom to two young children means sacrificing a large portion of yourself for them. I’m happy to do that but I just wonder when I managed to lose ALL of me?

I’ve decided to make the next 8 months leading to my 30th birthday a journey to find myself. Perhaps it will be re-discovering a long last passion or maybe finding something new that makes me feel whole. I’m hoping it’s filled with a new job that I can focus my energy into and a new me that doesn’t wince every time I look at the mirror at saggy boobs and a pooch-y tummy.

I honestly have no idea where the next 8 months will take me but I can say with certainty that I will make it to a point where I go to sleep happy with my ability to be a mom and still be Joanna.

I hope you guys are up for the ride.

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