To My Girls

To My Girls

If I teach you nothing else in this lifetime, let my legacy be that I taught you compassion.

As you grow up you will form your opinions. I hope they will be based on education and informed decision and not what you “think you should believe.” I do hope they’ll also come from all of the wonderful influences in your life. Specifically your Aunt with her life in ministry and her experiences in South Africa and your father, who spent a lot of time in prison ministry learning that there is a person behind every story.

What you do with these opinions can shape your life and the lives of others. Know this.

Words matter. They can comfort and they can hurt.

They can guide and they can alienate.

They should be chosen carefully and shared articulately.

Know this… you can have different opinions than people. They can be different from mine, your father’s, your sister and eventually your spouse.

You can discuss your opinions, even differing ones, with empathy. Learn to lead by example. Learn that shaming is not okay.

Choose to be the bigger person. Choose to connect with people, learn their stories and share with them.

Hug them.

Educate yourself first. And then educate them.

But do so kindly, without disdain or judgement. Because once you cross the line of educating and leading by example into judging and name calling you are no longer conveying a message. You are hurting a person. A person with feelings and circumstances.

So please, lead a life of compassion and you can never go wrong.

Liz Busch

I really liked this & the timing of it is so strange! Caroline got into her first “fight” at school yesterday (aka: two infants decided they wanted the same toy), and between that & the biting that we experienced with Audrey, I asked Brian if he preferred that Audrey be the bite-ee or the biter. He said the bite-ee (which I agree with because omg, I can’t imagine the pressure the parents of a biter go through in order to teach them to stop). Then he said that when she grows up, he’d rather Audrey be the bully, not the victim because at least at that point we could do something about it ourselves, whereas if she was the victim, we are more helpless & she is left sad. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that because I don’t ever want to imagine my girls being cruel & heartless, and that’s what I told him. I feel like that’s such a dad answer because it’s so protective of his girls’ feelings. I hope our experiences with this are limited because this is what I dread the most about kids! Especially girls…

[Reply]
Joanna Reply:
October 4th, 2012 at 1:36 pm
My heart aches constantly for the hurt our daughters will experience in their life. But I agree with you no matter what, no matter how they hurt, I do think it is important to teach them to never be the bully.

[Reply]
http://twitter.com/HouseOfBurks Mrs. Burks

Agreed. As I watched all that go down last night, I was just shocked. I wholeheartedly agree with this: “Because once you cross the line of educating and leading by example into
judging and name calling you are no longer conveying a message. You are
hurting a person. A person with feelings and circumstances.” I can’t imagine heaping more pain onto a person who has already gone through something I never hope to experience and wouldn’t wish on anyone.

I consider myself pro-life as well, but yes, there are circumstances in which I would make that decision, the main one being to save my own life so that I could raise my children. I would not bat an eye. And it would be hard, but for me that would be the right decision.

[Reply]
Joanna Reply:
October 4th, 2012 at 1:34 pm
And it’s not even about convincing someone to feel differently. What I was trying (unsuccessfully) to do was shed some light that while you may feel a certain way or believe a certain truth… there is a way to share that message. Not everything inside one’s head has to be spewed at other people. Especially not if it could cause someone intense grief or distress.

Having read her blog and liking her for years, I find it very hard to believe that she could look a person in the eye and say “I’m sorry you chose wrong. You are a murderer.”

Perhaps she could.

But it is a whole lot easier to say those things through a few clicks of a keyboard and not realize their impact.

Either way, I do appreciate people (like yourself) who can have different views but realize there is a way to engage in conversation.

[Reply]
http://twitter.com/Lousy_Housewife The Home Economist

Great post! Your girls are lucky to have you.

[Reply]
Joanna Reply:
October 4th, 2012 at 1:30 pm
I appreciate that.

[Reply]
http://twitter.com/LilMissRysMama Katherine

Everything about this is spot on, girl. Amen.

[Reply]
Morgan (The818)

Beautiful truth.

[Reply]
Joanna Reply:
October 4th, 2012 at 1:30 pm
thank you for sharing.

[Reply]
http://sewlovedblog.com/ becca @ sewLOVED

yes, to all of this. beautifully written joanna!

[Reply]
TheNextMartha

Perfect. Well said.

[Reply]
Pingback: I Can Feel Time Passing Faster And It Is Freaking Me Out | the818.com
Suzanne Davis

This is a great post. I’ve been thinking about what I’m assuming prompted it ever since it happened, and I wish I had spoken up too. Thank you for doing so.

[Reply]
Joanna Reply:
October 8th, 2012 at 10:59 am
Thanks. Ironically, I spent the next day wishing I hadn’t spoken up. Ultimately, I’m glad I did because I connected with a lot of people that night but my heart was really hurt. Luckily, I was able to channel that energy into making even more sure that my girls are taught how to treat people.

[Reply]
http://CrowningVictoria.com/ CrowndVic

This was such a well written and sweet post. Thanks for sharing, Joey.

[Reply]
Joanna Reply:
October 8th, 2012 at 11:00 am
Thanks, it came from a sad place but I’m glad I’ll be able to share it with my girls someday.

[Reply]

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