I’ve suddenly become acutely aware that our moments as a family of 3 are coming to an end. I know you’re probably thinking I’ve had 39 weeks and 1 day to come to terms with this and I have, but there is something so sentimental about these last few days.
I find myself soaking in every moment of Madison. I think that in the past few months I’ve let things like decorating rooms, painting furniture, organizing baby clothes and buying a new car consume my thoughts. These days I only think about one thing (okay two, I’m constantly trying to will Hannah out of my belly) but other than that I’m just thinking about Madison. All the quirky things she says, the way she’ll stop her coloring to look at me and just say “Hi Momma”, how she makes me gives her animals kisses and how she lives to splash in the water.
Tonight Clint was home from work early so we decided to go on a family date. We headed to a local indoor safari play park to start off the fun. The place in and of itself was nothing special. I think it’s mostly a scam to try and get you to buy their toys but to Madison?? It. Was. AWESOME. There were trucks! and a ball pit! and the icing on the cake? A choo choo train ride.
I got on the train with her and I could tell she was nervous. She grabbed the bottom of my skirt and held on nervously at first but after one time around she started to smile. By the third turn she was telling me “this is amazing.” By the fourth she could not stop giggling & saying “weeee.” All the while I kept looking down to see her hand still gripping my skirt. She seemed like such a big kid in that moment, no sign of baby even remotely left…. yet seeing her little fingers gripping on my skirt just made me think that she’s still my first baby and while she’s growing up and changing, a part of her will always be my baby gripping on to me.
I honestly think that will go down as one of my most favorite moments with her. Watching her go from scared to thrilled in a mere seconds filled my heart up so much.
I’m so emotional about the changes coming to our family. I know they will be nothing short of amazing. I’ve always wanted more than one child but there has been this constant nagging feeling of guilt. Guilt of how much Madison’s world is going to change. She and I do EVERYTHING together. It’s just the two of us the majority of the week and suddenly there is going to be a baby around who will probably have more of my time. Then there is the guilt of having a new baby and wondering how you can possibly think they are as amazing as your first.
Tonight for the first time as I watched Madison tell the Giraffe goodbye when we left the play park, use her quesadilla purely as a vessel for eating sour cream and devour ice cream with a twinkle in her eye I was hit with the thought that Hannah is going to make experiences like this infinitely more amazing. Someday I’ll get to watch as my two girls ride on the choo choo train together and share (okay, maybe argue over) ice cream cones.
And honestly?
I can’t think of anything in life I could want more.
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