Category Archives: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Isn’t this supposed to be harder?

June 25, 2012 – 9:28 pm

This was the thought that kept running through my head all last week…. my first week of being back to a full time work outside of the home mom.

Isn’t it supposed to be harder to be away from my kids for 10 hours/day?

Isn’t it supposed to be harder to enjoy a meal together because we’re all rushed?

Isn’t it supposed to be harder to adjust to being back at a desk after 2.5 years of being behind the kitchen sink?

The truth of the matter is none of it was hard. I didn’t sob uncontrollably in the bathroom because I missed my babies.(although I do miss them a lot).

I didn’t freak out about dinner getting done (we didn’t starve) and I didn’t stare at the clock hoping it would magically turn to 5 p.m. even though it was only 10:45 a.m. (technically 4:30 since I have AWESOME hours but it came fast).

Instead I took comfort in the knowledge that my girls were in great hands. Hannah was off learning some sign language and practicing “waving bye bye” with her new friend who is almost exactly her age. Madison was tasting the “food of Asia” in their destination of the week for summer camp and got to show up Thursday in her bathing suit for Splash Day. We managed to have two quick, delicious and somewhat nutritional home cooked meals and treated ourselves to delivery pizza on Friday.

And I think happiest of all, I confirmed what I’ve suspected for a long time: that being back in an office doing something I want to be doing makes me a happyier person.

I know there are going to be naysayers who tell me to just wait until my kid gets sick for the first time and one of us has to stay home or wait until my husband is out of town for 3 nights and I’m coming home exhausted and doing it all on my own (which will happen). I’m not naive to the struggles that will come.

But I’m also not waiting for the ball to drop. I honestly don’t think it will.

This situation is perfect for my family. Everything from what I’m doing & my hours to the girl’s daycare and the load of “100% sole provider of the cash” being lifted off of my husband’s shoulder.

Turns out it doesn’t have to be harder…. because it’s right.

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Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

A new chapter

June 12, 2012 – 8:19 am

Those of you that have been on this journey with me for a while you know that I have spent the last 2+ years as a stay at home mom. It all started when I was laid off in March of 2010 which ended up being a blessing in disguise. Madison was in her body cast and I had the opportunity to take care of her myself which made the whole situation better.

Madison had her cast off when she was 9 months old and I opted to spend the rest of the summer with her while she was still in her brace for several hours per day.

Her first birthday came and went and I began to look for work. I took some time to carefully apply for jobs that I wanted and I felt would be a good fit. And then in October we found out I was expecting. We made the decision that if I found a job before I hit the halfway mark I’d go ahead and take it. I came close to what I thought was going to be a good job but it just didn’t work out and I spent another year and a half as a stay at home mom.

And on June 20th all of that changes, because I will be starting my new JOB.

I am excited, nervous, anxious, scared and about a million other emotions. This position is an awesome thing for my family on so many levels. I am ready to go back to work and do what I love to do. I have missed the world of high heels, lunches with clients, business trips. I have felt a void for the past few years by not being in the workplace.

That’s not to say I didn’t love being with my girls…. because I did. I spent the better part of 3 years home with Madison and was there for Hannah’s entire first year. I am fully aware that there are many mothers who would kill for that opportunity and I had it.

I just don’t think I’m meant to be a stay at home mom. I feel like I will be happier at work and as a result I think I will be a better mother to my girls and a better wife to my husband.

And on that note I need to give a major shout out to my husband, Clint. He has been my rock, our provider and my biggest supporter both when I decided to stay home longer and through my job search when I decided to return. He is a great man and I am so lucky to call him mine.

So what will I be doing? Exactly what I want to be doing. The position is in marketing for a great company and I’ll be getting to do what I’m good at and what I enjoy doing… pretty awesome right?

The girls will be spending 1 day per week with my mom and 4 days in daycare. We’ve chosen a great facility that we feel will be perfect for them but I’m still scared about the transition.

I know change is hard and so if any of you have transitioned from being a stay at home mom to working I’ll take ALL of your tips. Most days I’ll be on my own to get both girls and myself ready and out the door and that is more scary than actually going back to work.

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Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Family Happiness

Something's gotta give

September 6, 2010 – 9:06 pm

Y’all, life is hard right now.

Really, really hard.

I want to write about happy things, because there are so many. We had a fantastic weekend. We celebrated the birthdays of some great friends, hung out with family, had a dance party in the living room and read books on the floor. There was beer and wine, ice cream and cake. All of these are staple ingredients for the sweetest days.

But I’m not present in all of these moments & its killing me. My mind is constantly thinking about the bills that are piling up and how we’re ever going to make it to the next paycheck. Last night when Clint was dancing with Madison as she squealed with delight I should have been on the floor dancing with them, but I wasn’t. I was frantically sending my resume out to try and be one of the first to respond to the new job postings.

I find myself fantasizing about some mysterious benefactor helping us out of this rut, finding my perfect dream job or miraculously getting a full price offer on our house. I mean seriously…. I wrote to the Ellen Show. I can’t even believe I’m admitting that, but I thought it couldn’t hurt. I know things will work out. We’ll make it to the next paycheck and we’ll get through all of this…. we always have, but sometimes it is just so hard to believe that.

I really feel like sometimes this isn’t our life, that we’ll wake up and things will be different. We’re good people who work hard and have always done our best to pay it forward.

I told myself in the beginning that this time would be a great time to discover a new hobby or passion. I dreamed of saving up enough money to buy a nice, used DSLR that I could use to learn photography. I thought perhaps I’d get a sewing machine and teach myself how to make something. I even thought I’d get a little craft area going to make accessories for little M. All of that stuff costs money, money that we don’t have.

I know deep down our break will come. I’ll find a great job or we’ll sell our house and find a different one that will be just perfect for our family. And I know when all of it comes together I’ll understand why it took so long. But right now? Things are hard and its causing me to miss a lot of the happiness that surrounds me.

I don’t want to make it sound like I am miserable, because I’m not. Honestly? I am really happy most of the time. Clint & Madison are my world and we have such a great time with each other. We have amazing family that we get to see often and friends that we can always count on. We seemingly have it all. But something has got to give.

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Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Family The Big Move

Status quo

August 11, 2010 – 7:00 am

Things are sort of mediocre here in the Osborne household. Nothing is necessarily bad, but things aren’t over-the-top great either.

Our house has had exactly two showings. I knew the market was bad but I didn’t think it was that bad. We live in a really beautiful, modest, middle class home and I honestly thought more people were looking in our price range. We got two schools down the block that are opening this fall and I thought that would help.

I thought wrong.

I know it has only been a month and I know that truthfully it only takes one offer to make things happen but two showings is SO discouraging.

I’ve also been interviewing for some jobs. I got the unfortunate news yesterday that I did not get one of them. I can tell you a million reasons why that is for the best. I don’t think it was going to pay what I need it to pay {read: what I am worth being paid for all of my experience} and the commute was going to be a bit of a nightmare. I have had worse, but it would have been a good 45 min-1 hr in the car each way. But the truth is, the job sounded interesting and I wanted it. Well, at least I wanted to be offered the job. I interviewed for one other job that would also be awesome. I have yet to hear back but the interview was only on Friday.

We just need something to happen for us. We’re good people. We try to put others ahead of ourselves. We are doing our very best to cut back. We’re trying to sell our house & downsize. I’m trying to find a job.

We are trying to do the right things and I guess I just need to keep believing that good things happen to good people and that we’ll catch our break sometime soon.

At the end of the day, after all of the stress and unknown has filled up my head, I sit down and wonder how we’re going to make it through the next few days, weeks & months. I still don’t have that answer. But what I do know is I have an incredible husband, a wonderful extended family and the most beautiful daughter in the world.

We’re going to be just fine.

We have to be.

For her.